At times, I was really angry at my own siblings and to my concern that I will leave home if this continue to be bad. I hate to be scolded for nothing, I hate to be an anger person just because someone from home giving me headache, I hate to suffer and absorb those painful words and treats it like nothing later on. I was not a person with a big heart, I was not a person with a kind soul, I was not a person with an optimistic attitude. I hold grudges, I pay revenge (scold back la, of course not being like those evil people to whack or do something worst than beaten up someone), and I try to rebel and talk back to my parents. Well, somehow I still do like rebel and talk back la. At least I'm trying to change the perspective of how I deal or view the situation as right now. Sometimes, I keep it to myself, I deal things with myself. People tend to say you look like you don't need to stress at all, you are like happy go lucky person, you laugh and smile all the time. I totally agree with how the way they look at me, or describe me, because that's what the mask I'm wearing right now. I did not like to share my family stuff and my feelings to people around me, it feels like I'm just sharing and people would just say, it's okay, family ma. Well, I know but it's just does not feel so right. I need someone to talk to sometimes but I just could not find one. It's like because they don't understand what I'm going through. I struggle with depression last year and I fought it myself. I tend to do things alone and I feel fine with it. It's not that I would want to, it's because I'm afraid of confronting people how I feel. Right now, I do tell out what problems I'm facing yet, my parents would just want me to dissolve it and treats like nothing happen. I did not want to make it big but it's just my attitude and my temper that could not be hidden. I'm being like a small kid complaining daily about what is going on, so I felt like this is too childish. I tend to hide now, I tend to take it and hold back, I tend to be fine but I'm not. I feel like it's not fair for me. FML