|
Whining time
Everyone need someone to be there for him/her to rely on. I really need someone to tell "I'm not okay, I lied, I need someone to talk to" and get a comfort and secure hug. Staying in a stranger island really suffers without anyone you can talk to. My first semester wasn't that because I had someone to lay shoulders on. I thought it wasn't that tough. I was wrong. Once she's not here, everything seems so different. I have to adapt to new environment changes. I lied to my dad and mom saying I'm happy, I'm good, I love this place, and I got everything under control because I didn't want them to worry about me or maybe I'm afraid I'm a loser, compared to my very independent and always a winner elder brother. He is real good in adapting to new changes. I can say he's my role model and to be honest, I'm real stress knowing he's good at almost everything. I'm proud of him, I love him, I envy his intelligence, his independence, and his way of adapting fast to changes. Apart from that, I'm really suffocating right now being pressured by MYSELF. My dad and mom never really compares to me and my brother but every time they said "how good if you have 50% of your brother's intelligence?" which means there's a little comparison even though they were just joking. I know my dad always said "don't over stress" but I can't. You're paying so much for my education, working so hard just to pay for my education, I can't just lose like that, I must do better to make you proud. People always think I'm always happy, laughing so loud like there is no problem at all but they don't know what am I going through the whole time. Sometimes it's not just finding a person to talk to, it's about finding TE RIGHT PERSON to talk to. They know how to react and response to you, at least some words of advice rather than, hey buddy, just cheer up, go sleep and everything will be fine. Well, I can tell you it's not, when I'm awake, the problem still exist! Sigh, I'm tired of whining, till then.
|
8:35 AM
|
|
